artintheknife

i was at the bar last night, and a man who kept telling me that he was from Cuba and trying to get me to sing karaoke with him finally said this: "I'm not even going to pretend that I don't want to fuck you." I replied "oh, well thanks for being honest" haha. i always manage to either find the creepiest or most forward guy in the room.

the bar had those cardboard coasters that everyone always steals. on them were a pin-up style girl advertising camel cigarettes. cardboard chick was a hottie so i told the people i was with that i was going to make a halloween costume out of the coasters, and held one up to cover each of my nipples. i was like "oh, i should only need about 6 of them to cover the essential areas" steve nearly died and told me that if i made that costume he would be the designated driver until the end of time. hahhahaha. oh boy. and throughout the night he proceeded to collect every single coaster in the bar. i went up to sing karaoke, i came back and there was a 2 foot high stack of coasters. hahhahaha. and i took them all because i was drunk. i was not, however, drunk when i decided to make the coasters my costume. i was being kind of serious...if i had the body of a stripper.

oh, there was one other funny bar happening. I was wearing a pretty low-cut shirt because sometimes I think I'm a playmate and like to display the ladies. and J.D literally would not take his eyes off of my tits and did not even try to pretend he wasn't looking at them. haha. he kept staring at them and saying things like: "so your boyfriends not 21 is he? you know who is....me" hahhaa. he was completely joking and it was completely acceptable because he is JD and can get away with anything. he then told me that he would fly to pittsburgh to go to a coffee shop to meet my boyfriend because he really wanted to meet him. i told him that my boyfriend is kind of shy, so he would probably not get to know him much on the first go-round and JD says something along the lines of: "It's like reading shakespeare for the first time. it isn't a matter or whether you like shakespeare, but if shakespeare likes YOU" haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. wtf. most random person that i know. by far.

i also tried thai food for the first time last night. the indian girls, rina and upneet, that i went with told the waiter to "make it for a white girl" which meant absolutely no spice. hah. i am glad they were watching out for me. it was really delicious though. almost as delicious as the pitcher of yuengling that followed the meal, but not quite.

i am beginning to feel like i'm making some friends here, sort of getting into a group of people that like to hang out with me and think that i'm funny rather than appalling or immature for the things that i say. and we know i spit crazy lines like its my job because i just don't think before words come out of my mouth. good thing i'm a nice person or that could really get me in trouble. luckily i spit funny or disgusting lines and not bitchy ones. so, yes, i have found some people who understand me or at least find me entertaining enough that they like to have me around. so its a good feeling. however, i still miss home immensely. particularly ryan and all of his roomates. ryan said to me the other day: "i think i will go see that movie by myself because my best friend moved to philadelphia" =( it broke my heart. and jon wanted to do a video chat last night because he wanted to talk in person. it sucks being away from the people who i am most myself around. but, such is life i guess.

on a totally unrelated note, i've started to read poetry again. i don't think i will ever start to write again, but i've at least gotten to the point where i can read it again. i could only ever write anything good about sad things and death, so i do not want to let my thoughts dwell in darkness like that anymore. i decided that a few years ago after i took that poetry class for school, and i don't think i'll go back on my word with that one. i like not feeling like an emotional wrecking ball, thanks. but simply reading poetry does not take me to that place, so i think its ok.

My mom sent me an "I miss you" card in the mail today. from my dog. This is why she's the greatest. :)

Yesterday's orientation was torturous. but I expected as much. they just gave a tour that dragged on forever. a tour which we had all taken once or twice before. and i did not make good shoe choices yesterday so my feet were killing me after like 15 minutes of walking around. i knew it was a bad idea to wear my red heels. when i discussed it on the phone with ryan the previous night, he too said it was a bad idea. but i just love those damn shoes so much that i wore them anyways. i was complaining that my feet hurt because i wore bad shoes and one of the guys in my group said "yeah, but you look good." so, i was cute. and therefore it was worth it. haha

Last night's social event was pretty fun. we went to some bar in center city that was literally at the intersection of two alleys. shadiest location ever. and it was hilarious that they took us to a bar because we were given a lecture like 3 different times during the day about how we should act professional and how alcohol consumption was a major problem in the medical profession. and we even had to take an annonymous alcohol quiz so they could get stats on just how big of lushes the people in our class are. with my lush-filled answers such as this: I normally drink 2-4 times a week. Each time I drink, I normally have 6 drinks. The most drinks I've ever had in one night is 12. I'm honored to surely be the female outlier for our class due to the incredibly fun senior year that i led. :P Anyhow, yeah, social event at the shady bar that was WAY too small for 180 people. We got there a little late so me and my roomates ended up sitting in the corner alone for awhile, but eventually some people came over and hung out with us. We sucked at the trivia game...except when it came to movie quotes. Yuengling tasted amazing, as always. I can properly pronounce Lancastar. And Peyton Manning is in my med school class.

Today's orientation was just sitting in the auditorium ALL day listening to crap about mental health and safety and HIPPA and yadda yadda. painful. during lunch we had to break into groups and have a book discussion. I would rather eat than discuss a badly written book about poverty, thanks. I spoke twice the entire hour and let the extra long-winded or loud-mouth (read: fucking obnoxious girl from New York that I just KNEW would be in my small group for the entire year because I hated her from the second I met her yesterday) people dominate the discussion. Afterwards, the 3rd year who was running the discussion was like "you made some good points" and i was like "what...the whole 2 times i talked?" and he was like "well, you said good things" I think what he really meant was "thank you for only speaking when you had a relevant comment and not just to hear yourself talk"

In other words, we got our box of bones today! Literally, bones. a human skeleton. which i sure as hell better not lose any pieces of or break because it will cost $2000 to replace. it was kind of surreal to be carrying a box of bones around the streets of Philly, but at the same time I began to feel like a med student for the first time. I'm sure this time next week I'll be bitching non-stop about these bones because I'll be sick of looking at and studying them, but for now its an exciting possession.

I bought Lil' Wayne's album the other day. I haven't bought a rap album since Will Smith's "Willenium." I think this might be proof that Lil' Wayne is using subliminal messages to get everyone in the world to want his album.

Either that, or I spent way too much time over the course of the year with Jon, Russ, Bill and am actually beginning to like rap music some. This may be the case, as I looked up Wiz Kahlifa on Myspace so that I could listen to his music while I unpacked. I also am in love with Jesse McCartney's "Leaving." Everytime I've heard it since the first time I heard it months ago, I just love it. I may be going mainstream in my old age.

In other news, my last week in Pittsburgh generally sucked. well, except for my birthday party, which was a really great time and I am so glad to have spent my last Friday night in Pittsburgh with some of my favorite people ever. However, I somehow ended up leaving by myself after everyone else that was staying at my apartment and I got so sad that I was going to leave everyone that means so much to me, that I ended up sitting on the side of the street crying for like an hour. I called Ryan to come sit with me. and so he talked to me while i cried and probably made no sense while talking because i was drunk. and cops kept stopping to ask if i was ok. Its my party and i'll cry if I want to. ok? But, yeah birthday party was incredible other than that.

The rest of the week, and really the week before that too, were pretty similar with me just wanting to cry all the time. Though I didn't have enough alcohol in me at any other point to actually cry in the middle of everything. lol.

Moving sucked. Jon and Bill helped out in Oakland, so it didn't take as long. But once we got to Philly, there was just so much crap to take out of boxes. I still haven't finished unpacking everything yet. Granted, I haven't really been working too dilligently at it.

I took my mum, sister, and Ryan to the "famous" cheesesteak places yesterday for lunch. Of course I got lost on the way there and the way going home, but we eventually made it. It was cool to be at a place that's always on tv and that's famous and all, but honestly, Uncle Sam's cheesesteaks were better. haha. oh, and during the "we're lost" part of the trip I witnessed something that I've never seen before. Caged in front porches. People's front porches literally looked like cages. Like think of the normal metal fencing that goes around a porch and then extend that all the way up to the roof. I think that's a sure sign that Philadelphia is way worse than any area of Pittsburgh I've ever been in. So glad my school is like 5 minutes from these areas/in the middle of these areas. My apartment, however, is really big and nice. The complex is about 20 minutes away from my school so its in more of a residential area. I don't have a cage on my balcony either.

I cried and felt like poo when my mom and sister and Ryan left me here yesterday. I am still lonely without them, but I know they aren't going to stop loving me. And I talked to all three of them today. It's just going to be hard not being able to see them whenever I want to. Sometimes I really wish I'd have just gotten a job and stayed in Pittsburgh. I could've been decently happy in an industrial chemistry job, and I'm sure Dr. Bandik would've found me a good position. Then I could be home with everyone I love. I could work Monday-Friday and party in Oakland on the weekends. That is what I would absolutely love to do for the next five years or so. But, after that, I'd be too old to party all of the time. and i'd be bored at my job. and I know I'd wish that I would've gone to med school. So, here I am.

so i very nearly got heat stroke at work on Saturday. It was over 90 degrees out, yet i was not sweating at all. all of my muscles were twitching and i felt that I was going to fall 10 feet to my death out of the guard chair. yet i managed to survive; thank god it was only a 4-hour day.

i'm sure this random onset of illness was due less to the heat and more to being dehydrated in the heat from all of the beverages consumed the night before. oh well, it was worth feeling sick for a few hours for a night of fun. hahaha. that is terrible for me to say, i think.

friday it was about 100 degrees in jon's apartment and yet we thought it a perfectly acceptable place to drink. needless to say, we were all rather sweaty and nasty. deana was walking around in a bathing suit. ryan sat on the couch, getting sweat everywhere, ate an entire bag of tostitos. and then threw up. at some point in the night I made bill and russ escort me to my apartment so that i could get a gumband. we found it necessary to finish all of the liquor in my apartment. granted, that was only about 4 shots worth of liquor, but we really didn't need more at that point. haha. fun night, aside from ryan leaving me early to sleep off his being sick and jon leaving me early (early = like 1am haha) to go swimming. i am going to miss these kinds of nights sooo sooo badly come august.

anyhow, yes, i ought to be more responsible with my drinking when I have to work in the heat the next day. and i was. saturday night i did not drink a drop, but napped at ryan's and went out to dinner instead. as a result, i did not feel like death at work yesterday.

i am off nearly all week; i only work 12-8 on friday. i have so few hours that its absurd, but i know starting next week (when we open full time) i'll be working 40+ weeks until I leave for Philly, so I'm just trying to enjoy this last week of laziness. i'm considering just always taking 2 or 3 days off each week so that i'm not working all the time and have free time to spend with family and friends before i leave, but i really do need to save up some money so that i don't have to take out as many loans for school/living expenses. yuck.

hahahahahaha.

I just read the last entry that I wrote (well second to last), which was on July 30. I had just turned 21 and I was wishing that I could just be a lush for a few months. haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Try an entire YEAR of being a lush <3

Thanks to Ryan, Jon, Bill, and Russ there was rarely a dull, or beer-free, Friday or Saturday night. Soooo many good times were had with those guys; I love them all.

And once I started hanging out with people from work, Heather and Ballz in particular, there were some weeks when I'd go out wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday. :)

It was spectacular and I am not prepared for it to end.

I was reading through some things that I had written in one of my journals earlier in the year, it was around December and I had really only wrote like 3 entries around that time and then stopped, but I remembered how much I like reading through old entries now and then and remembering things in my life in detail. I mean, sure I'll always have the memories in my head, but mostly just tiny tidbits that are a little blurry. I prefer to read through things and be able to draw up a memory of exactly (almost) how they happened.

I've just met so many awesome people this year and had so many good times that I really wish I'd recorded some of it. Because, while I remember alot of what happened, I also forget alot of the details of what happened. And surely this time next year, when I'm lonely and doing nothing but studying in Philly, I will wish that I had some of these good memories to read over and cheer me up. So I think I'll write some random memories from throughout the year when they pop into my head, while also writing about the present too.

So I know this is probably the 4th time this year that I decided to start writing again, but I think this time, I mean it.

i like dark beer far too much for my 5'1'' frame. so much, in fact, that i will probably put on 10 pounds in one week from yuengling or killian's alone. i either need to hit the gym big time daily or find a low-cal cocktail that i enjoy. cocktails are for sissy's. well, really they are for girls who do not think they are men. i have always considered myself to be one of the men, so a fruity drink is not an alternative. the closest to a cocktail i get is rum and coke. no diet coke, please, it tastes like poo. and lite beers...i have not yet found a winner. coors light, pee. miller lite, carbonated pee. natty light, reg natty with a worse flavor (if that's even possible). maybe i will give ic light a try. the main problem i am seeing with this, however, is that pgh is prob the only place that serves iron city anything. i do not like to obsess about this sort of thing, but i find myself doing it anyhow. i think chubby people are cuter than stick thin people. i am happier when i am chubby. and yet, i constantly try to stop being chubby. i think this is the point when i should blame society or men or porn or something.

this is a slightly tipsy post, with a sober thought behind it! i like to be in shape but i like nonhealthy things....it's a conundrum!

in other news....being 21 is far more boring than i thought. most of my friends don't want to go out often (can't blame them, the thrill of being 21 has worn off for them. haha) and my mom is very prudish about the whole drinking thing despite the fact that i am probably the most responsible drunk on the planet earth. i just want to be a lush for a few months straight. that's all. :)

i had a really lucky day yesterday and i just feel the need to document it because i rarely have any luck in my life at all. i recieved a great rating from the pre-professional committee, parallel parked PERFECTLY on the first try, obtained a FREE chair for my apartment next year, ANNNDDDD found my wallet that i had lost four days earlier in the movie theatre with nothing missing!

only downside to yesterday was that it was my only day off out of like 10 days or something and i didn't do anything fun. boohoo. next day that i have off is my birthday which i plan to sleep through half of because i'm going out the night before at midnight to celebrate. woo woo!! then if i am not too wasted there will be drunk pizza eating. sweet!

Friday MCAT scores were finally posted and i finally got nice and drunk for the first time all summer. My score wasn't as high as I'd hoped, but it was certainly good enough to get into a school...perhaps not Pitt though. I scored in the 70-75 percentile though so I told myself not to be too negative about it. I could retake it and see if I can get a score high enough to get into Pitt, but I don't think I want to put myself through that. we shall see.

so drunkfest was really neither a pity party or a celebration as i was mostly indifferent about my score. it was just an excuse to drink too much beer and say ridiculous things. there was too much drama. and i was too mean to ryan as i apparantly usually am when drinking. but other than that it was a good time. working for 8 hours in the sun the next day was not so superb, but oh well.

i just realized that i am going to be working WAY too much in the next 2 months. I think I will be working at least 45 hours this week and probably as much or more every week after that. granted, my job is sinfully easy, but that sort of puts a damper on the social life. not that i have much of one anyhow.

9:20am and still no MCAT scores posted. i'm not sure what these people at AAMC have to do that's so important that they can't do their job and get test scores out on time, but its annoying. i just found out that there are people who have been sitting up all night checking the site constantly and will do so until scores are out. i'm glad i'm not that intense. haha.

i'm going down to oakland to film another silent film with ryan. if everyone is nice to me, maybe i'll give you a shout-out when i reach hollywood, bitches. haha.

for real though, this shit is embarassing. nearly equal to the time that i was forced to appear in one of his photo shoots at gian eagle and had to kneel, holding and staring at a peice of meat for like 5 minutes. or stare curiously at a peice of fruit held out in front of me at an awkward angle for 5 minutes. i kind of felt like one of those people with the form of narcolepsy where there muscles just randomly freeze up and they are literally statues for a short period of time.

i love going to the gym around 10:30 or 11 because it is all the senior citizens there at that time and they are so cute! there is this man who wears a button-up shirt everyday to the gym. and there's a woman who wears tights. and there is this one chick who always sits on the bike for like an hour who is totally the "hottie" (if there is such a thing when you're old) but all the men stop by to talk to her and the other older ladies give her dirty looks. it's awesome.

i got paid today for the first time this summer. that's just pathetic. haha. but, you know, there was that little thing called the MCAT that i had to study for...i just hope i don't have to study for it all over again!! Scores are supposed to go up tomorrow but the technical people who work at AAMC are seriously idiots so who knows if that's accurate.

ryan and i finally gave in and hooked up the super nintendo to play Mario 3 on there because the original NES poops out too easily. :( for a split second when we first hooked it up, we thought the super nintendo controllers were broke and i almost cried. haha. silly me.

tomorrow steph's parents go out of town. they are leaving at 4. her boyfriend is coming in from out of town at 5. haha. classic. and we are of course taking advantage of the sitch and partying there tomorrow night. i hope it is overcast on saturday because i doubt that an 8-hour guard shift in the heat is much fun with a hangover.

i think my mom knew that she hurt my feelings the other day; either that or she felt guilty about what she said because she has been much nicer. and i haven't gotten any 6am wake-ups since.

my sister's 16th birthday was today!! oh my goodness does that make me feel OLD! She had to stay after for some cross country meeting and my mom had the coach take a cake in for her since the cc team is like a second family to her so i thought that was cute. Then we took her out for dinner to Pasta Too. For some reason, we always head out to dinner at like 9:30 whenever we go out to eat on weekdays. the waitresses just love seeing us come in an hour before the kitchen closes, let me tell you. haha. they have amazing pasta there though so i think it was worth angering the staff. in addition, their happy birthday song is to the tune of "That's amore" it was sweet. and yes, i'm trying to bring back the word "sweet" It was cool back in the 7th grade, so why can't it be again?

i am getting REALLY REALLY anxious about my MCAT scores. why do they insist upon 30 days of tortuous waiting? Truthfully, i've only started thinking about my score this week but i CANNOT stand it anymore. i need to know what i got so that i can figure out where the hell i am going to apply and whether or not Pitt is within my reach. Scores for my test date come out friday. steph is having a party friday since her parents are going out of town. so there are two possible scenarios:

1. me getting really drunk because i am full of self pity because i bombed the MCAT
2. me getting really drunk to celebrate a decent score

i'm hoping for the latter. i bet i scored around a 30/31. i was aiming for a 32. i probably need a 34 to have a good chance of getting into Pitt. so we'll see. i am just so damn nervous. the test seemed not so bad while i was taking it but that doesn't necessarily mean that i was doing well, it just means that i wasn't nervous. aggghhh. i have never been this anxious about anything before. i feel like if i don't find out my score at this moment, i will burst.

My mom basically told me to move out this morning. i told her to leave me alone because she tried to wake me up at 6am for no reason. she told me "get your own place if you want to be left alone." she's been pulling this wake me up early to bitch at me thing for the past two weeks. i don't know what i've done to her, but anytime i've tried to talk to her for the past week, she's just ignored me or been rude. i am seriously so nice to my mom and i just don't understand why she dislikes me most of the time. i said to ryan the other day "my mom doesn't like me" and he said "no, she loves you." She may love me, but she doesn't like me. there's a very big important difference there. i miss my dad. he was always so excited to have me home and he enjoyed talking to me and we just understood each other. now it is just my sister and my mom. and me. in a separate category. by myself.

i have been eating diet food and working out. and losing no weight.

i am not having such a positive interaction with life right now.

i did go out with steph and liz last night and i had a good time. so i guess all is not bad.

i'm sick of writing this.

Life is against me recently. For example, today I needed to drive out to Robert Morris to get a transcript since I took a class there last summer. I manage to hit traffic on the way out there at 2pm. No construction, no accidents. Just a random traffic jam at 2 in the goddamn afternoon. Ryan told me that he wanted to go along for the ride but he just kept complaining about all the traffic and how he wanted to get back to hang out with Liz. I do not care that he hangs out with other girls, but I was in a pissy mood to begin with, and it did not really make me feel better to hear him continuously whine about wanting to hang out with another girl instead of me. Then he wonders why I haven't cheered up instantly because he's with me. Hi, because you don't WANT to be with me, that just makes me feel worse. psh. guys should be required to take some sort of etiquette class when it comes to women or something.

I had some pizza for dinner though, so life feels better.

Tonight and tomorrow is all the studying time that i have left before the big day. I have no idea what to expect as some of the practice exams that i've taken were really hard and some were pretty easy. If I get a test full of ridiculously hard passages like the practice exam i took today, I may as well just walk out because I will not get a high enough score. I'm hoping it'll be somewhere in the middle though so that I manage to get a decent score.

After Wednesday at like 5 I'm just going to do fun things nonstop for days. this better include beer and a cigar at some point. and some top model watching. and a drive-in. and some snuggling. and a waffle from eat n' park. then i should be happy.

I am currently a little bummed because:
- I miss eating an entire half of a Sorrento's pizza numerous times each week.
- I may possibly fail my MCAT
- I want to cook and bake but cannot because i must study 12 hours each day

But on the upside, it is mother's day and ryan's birthday :) Also, the MCAT is Wednesday so I'm almost done with the stress of preparing for and taking the biggest test of my life. I tried to move back the date so that I'd have extra time to study but it was too late. They said I could just skip the one on Wednesday and register for a new one at the regular price. Another $215 down the drain? no thanks, bastards. I'll just take the test on my regular day and hope for the best. If I do too badly on it, i could always retake it later in the summer, but I'm really hoping that it won't come down to that.

Next Cinco de Mayo I intend to get completely sloshed and eat about 5 pounds of nachos. someone please make sure that i live up to that statement.

ryan gave me a cute little surprise today :) he called me up and asked if i was at home and then says "good because i'll be there in a minute; i have something for you" so he comes up to my door with a little bag that has chocolate truffles and a Rachael Ray magazine :) he said he heard about an interview that rachael ray did for people magazine so he went to like 5 different stores to look for it, but the issue doesn't come out until next month. so he said he had to settle for the cooking magazine (which i totally loved because i'm a dork) and he said that i should have a piece of candy to reward myself for sticking to my diet so well :)

He's such a romantic <3

also, i literally go months without hanging out with people and now that i need to study for weeks straight, everyone keeps coming up with fun things that i should be doing with them. not fair! haha. the studying is coming along well though, i'm actually starting to feel like i'm prepared enough to get a decent score or at least will be by the test date. i'm not even too bummed out by studying for approximately 12 hours a day because i don't want to feel like i could have been better prepared after i take the exam. besides, after MCATs i have like a month of complete relaxation before i get my scores back and need to start applying to med schools. yay!

ok, now that i'm done being dramatic...

i decided to eat pickles and strawberries for lunch. i don't know what is wrong with my common sense. first its beer and mashed potatoes...now this. pickles make strawberries taste a little bit like ass, just in case you were wondering.

i have started weight watchers with my mom because i want to shed a few pounds and feel a little healthier. basically, i can eat salad, fruit, and bread that tastes like cardboard. and chicken and turkey, but i dislike both. so we'll see how long this lasts. actually, i can really eat pretty much anything as long as i count the "points" but let's be honest, everything that I ENJOY eating is so bad for me that i wouldn't be able to eat anything else for the entire day.

apparantly at some point i am going to start feeling "clean" and "energized" and be "thrilled when i start seeing results." Right now, i feel drained, hungry (though i just ate), and am craving pumpkin pie and mac and cheese. so far, so good.

grades were posted today, i did well but not as well as i wanted to. i got the best grades in my hardest class...perhaps because i treat everything besides pchem as a blow-off class. haha. anyhow, my grades went as follows:

instrumental chem: B+ (pissed about this bc the class was actually real easy)
instrumental lab: A- (pissed about this bc my TA was a douchebag. though i
actually probably deserved a worse grade. haha)
Mind & Medicine: A-
Undergrad Teaching: A
Physical Chemistry: A
Physical Chemistry Lab: A+

I should have been able to get an A in all three classes that i didn't, but i was lazy and absolutely did not care about those courses. that tends to bite you in the ass. I am allowed to complain only to my blog and mother about my grades because everyone else would tell me to shut up that i did great. haha. But...many of the people whom I am competing with to get into medical school probably have 4.0 and other ridiculous credentials so i do have a reason for being hard on myself.

In other news, my boyfriend is going to a campus-wide party at Cal U this afternoon to get completely sloshed. I am going to be laying outside studying for MCATs. That's ok though, because i'm pretty sure beer isn't on my diet.

i can't believe that my evening last night was lame enough for me to be posting a drunk blog at 12:30. i also can't believe that i put about 2 liters of beer and about 2 pounds of mashed potatoes into my belly last evening and did not vomit all over the place. i also can't believe that i wasn't even remotely hungover today...perhaps mashed taters are the ultimate hangover cure! yeah, i doubt it too.

we spent all day moving shit out of my apartment and we are still going to have to make another trip later tonight. if i were rich, i'd totally just leave everything in the apartment and buy all new stuff. i absolutely hate moving out/packing/physical labor. moving heavy boxes up and down three flights of stairs is not a chubby, lazy girl's best friend.

and i found out today that my sister's boyfriend broke up with her via text message. what a poon. this kid struck me as a little weasel anyhow but i feel bad for her because your first break-up is always horrible and i think she was "in love" with him. it took me two years to get over my first break-up; i think kristie is a little less emo though. or so i hope. either way, i'd still like to break the kids shit off.

i want to get drunk again tonight. however, i cannot get drunk again until may 16 without feeling that i'll fuck over my future. hopefully this guilt will force me to study my ass off as well as stay sober. everybody should drink double for me. thanks.

i need to remember not to drink with people unless they are in for an all-night drinkathon//hangout session. i am slightly tipsy after a few yuenglilngs and a spectacular mickey's 40. i drunk dialed my best friedn. the people i was drinking iwht are all 21 and went to the bar. my boyfriend went back to his place to sleep. so im' eating mashed potatoes. whatever, they rae my only friend right now. myy mom is coming in like 7 hours anyhow to help me move out so i suppsoe its for the best. i guess i'm just a bit bitter because all i'm going to be doing for the next few weeks is stuyding for MCAT. and i do not turn 21 untikl the end of july. i think i should just go have more beer and mashed tateys. later punkzzzz

eeeeeep!! Saves the Day tickets for sunday have been purchased! I wasn't sure that I should spend the money for tickets or spend the day traveling to cleveland when I have MCATs to study for, but I figured what the hell. They are my fav band ever and I deserve a little end-of-semester celebration :)

Cleveland sort of gives me the creeps but there was no Pgh date. Last time I went to cleveland for a concert, the parking lot that i put my car in had a very state-of-the-art pay station which consisted of folding your dollar bills into the size of a quarter and sticking them into a little box. and there were instructions for how to fold your bills. Up to this miraculous point in my life, I didn't think any place was more ghetto then Pittsburgh; i was proven wrong.

oh, and note to self: GET DIRECTIONS IN REVERSE. cleveland apparantly does not believe in making their roadways reversible. if you take 28S into the city, one would assume that 28N leads you out of the city. not in cleveland! but, you know, apparantly they have good concert venues or whatever. so meh, i'll go again. haha.

i only have one more final left tomorrow...instrumental chemistry which is THE most boring class I have ever taken so i'm having a real hard time studying. We get to use 4 (yes, four!) cheat sheets on the exam and the average will probably still be a C. Chemistry is super. The two finals I had on Monday seemed like they went well, so hopefully my grades will reflect that. I have little concern about my grades this semester, i worked hard and if i wind up with a B or 2, I can accept that. I really just want to be done so badly that i no longer care. i love my positive attitude.